This was something a friend said to me. Recently. Well, actually, she didn’t. Not in real life. But in a dream I had, she sat opposite me and said these very words. You’re just lazy.
Although it was a dream, albeit a very vivid one, it hit a nerve.
The friend was a very old friend, one I haven’t seen for almost 20 years. We were good friends though and she was very glam. When we were friends, I always looked glam too. I never left home without makeup, my clothes were always co-ordinated and flattering, I was a lot slimmer, my hair was always glossy and well cared for, my skin glowed, my eyebrows were perfectly plucked – basically I looked after myself and cared about how I looked.
Over the last 12 years, this has sort of stopped being the case. I could easily blame it on the fact that I have three kids and numerous SEND labels to deal with. I could say “hey look, I have been successful even with a weight problem”. I could say “people should judge me on who I am not how I look” etc etc etc. I could say all of this if I was happy with it, but I am not.
In my dream, I had bumped into this friend and I think I saw myself through her eyes. I was explaining to her about the difficulties and her response was “Debs, sorry love but I think you’re just lazy, there’s no excuse”
I actually woke up, with my heart pounding. However, there was no anger at what she said or any defensive come backs. The come back queen was lost for words. I’ve had lots of real life little none-too-subtle digs thrown at me – don’t you love passive aggressive folk? Those have just made me to turn to the biscuit barrel though. However, this comment didn’t have that effect. I completely accepted it.
It was true. I may run around for others, do everything for everyone but I suddenly realised that I am lazy when it comes to me. I put off listening to a slimpod I know helps. I claim I don’t have time. I make excuses about why I can’t find time to exercise – despite owning more equipment than most personal trainers. I work from home but choose crap to eat rather than taking the time to prepare a healthier option. I have become lazy when it comes to me.
If I used the time I spend making excuses actually looking after myself, just imagine. As I write this, I am sat with oil in my hair.
Small steps, hey?