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Hello!
I'm Debs, and you've found my little corner of the internet
I am a happily married mum of three.
Our house is home to me, my husband, three children and a huge variety of special educational needs and disabilities (ranging from severe visual impairment to autism, from speech and communication issues to dyspraxia and from osteoarthritis to vertigo). It's also home to one very nutty dog who fits in perfectly.
Having children with SEND has definitely given me a huge bag of tools to help me get back up, time and time again. Tools to help me keep the plates spinning and tools to help me know when I need to focus on self care.
I try to keep it real, I don't pretend I have the perfect Instagrammable home life, work/life balance or eating habits. Like you, I have good days and bad days.
Days when motivation comes easily and days when just getting out of bed is an achievement.
Days when anyone could pop round and I would be delighted to see them, and others when my house is in need of a bit of attention so unexpected drop ins leave me feeling overwhelmed.
Life isn't perfect for anyone but I can help you find that balance so the bad days don't outweigh the good ones.
Life is never ever dull!
I hope you enjoy reading my pearls of wisdom, please
feel free to leave your comments and thoughts.
Debs x
Happy Clients Have Said...
Latest Pearls of Wisdom
A moment in Merthyr
It’s been a rough few years and holidays have been something we have only been able to dream about. We decided to put off an overseas holiday as we are definitely the people who would end up having to isolate or getting stuck somewhere. That may sound …
Putting it off – making an easy job a challenge
Why do we do it? We have these jobs we know we need to do but we keep putting them off. By doing this, we make the job appear even more difficult than it is. We give it a power and then even more amazingly, we start to believe the hype we have created.
Recent Pearls of Wisdom
Self care: Me too not Me First,
Self care isn’t about making you the number one priority and ignoring the needs of everyone around you. Self care means “me too”.
Eat the ugly Frog first
If we eat the frog, (ie get that awful job done out of the way), then the rest of the day has got to be a breeze but what if you have more than one frog item on your list?
Review – Teen Calm Box
The aim of Teen Calm is to help young adults develop a routine that builds self-regulation skills so they can cope with those annoying doubts and insecurities
To Do List, Planning and Scheduling
“a plan Is what, a schedule is when. It takes both to get things done” Pubilius Syrus Lists Are you a list writer? Do you have lists everywhere? Or maybe even lists organised in one lovely book – yes I’m talking about you – or maybe you have amazing mind maps that you’ve spent hours …
Incomplete Compassion
Compassion – a strong feeling of sympathy and sadness for the suffering or bad luck of others and a wish to help them” Cambridge English Dictionary Everyone, with the exception of perhaps some psychopaths, has the ability to feel compassion towards others. Studies have shown that some psychopaths have the ability to feel compassion but …
Focus, focus, focus
If you are anything like me, you are possibly involved in several projects. Maybe you’re not involved in lots of projects, but you are trying to juggle work, home, me-time, keeping fit, being a mum/dad, and somehow trying to find time to write that book or redecorate that room. or learn a new skill I …
Failure, then success
Fear of Failure Why are we so afraid of failure? Failure means different things to different people; due to our upbringing, beliefs, values and obviously the standards we set for ourselves. Failure for one person may not be a failure for someone else. First of all, you need to really be clear about what failure …
Do what you can
Start where you are Do you put things off because you are thinking of the end result too much and it seems so far away? Want to run a marathon? Want to lose a few stone? Want to start a podcast? Want to change career? You know what you have to do, don’t you? Start! …
There's another new episode up on the podcast today.
I'm joined by Danielle Jata-hall from PDA Parenting as she chats all about how she stays motivated, how she gets up after a sh*t day and how she keeps the plates spinning. This is a very honest interview where Danielle shares much of her story, be prepared to be shocked if you are not a parent carer.
Comment on Facebook There's another new ...
Oh dear, not her!! 🤣 Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for asking me to do this Debs, I really enjoyed it. I know I said it at the time but you are a natural host and your presenting skills are outstanding. It put me at ease and I actually learnt a thing or two from you 🙌🏽🌈
Ooooh I’ll give it a listen
Ohhhhhh is it available on the ‘usual’ platforms?
My plans for this weekend - recharging my batteries with people who are good for my soul.
Sometimes we need to take a break from the crowd and focus on our “bury the body” people. These are the people who are there for you, even when you have nothing to offer them except your presence. The ones who don’t make you feel less. The ones who lift you up.
I am fairly certain, the weekend will also involve a beach.
I hope your weekend involves some time to recharge.
Comment on Facebook My plans for this ...
Ryan and the beach x just been x
Have I mentioned that I am one of the co-founders and organisers of Festability
I am so lucky to do work I love but this particular project is the one that makes my heart sing (and my mouth swear) more than any other.
The joy on everyone’s faces on the day makes up for all the sleepless nights and chaotic days it takes to make this a reality.#festival The pink ladies. The three mums who, over a bottle of wine, said “let’s do this”
Of course lots of people said “oh that won’t be possible” or “that’s not how things are done” but being parent carers, they just said “watch us” and the rest, as they say, is history.
As all of our guests know, parent carers rock!
Tag a parent carer and let them know they rock.
Our Early Bird tickets are only around until Tuesday 31st so don’t miss out and pop over to buy them before you miss the deal.
www.tickettailor.com/events/festabilitycic/808193 (or link in bio)
#livemusic #musicfestival #kent #inclusive #inclusivefestival #parentcarers #parentcarersrock #pinkladies #festability #festival
Parenting can be a challenge for anyone. Add special/additional needs to the mix and those challenges multiply. Not necessarily due to the additional need, but due to the system that we need to operate within.
I’ve seen some of the strongest people I know melt into a pool of tears due to the frustration of a system that isn’t fit for purpose.
We all have to find our way to get through the day. Be that coffee, meditation, prayer or using a punch bag, you do you.
There’s no right way or wrong way, we’re all different.
How do you get through each day?
Comment on Facebook Parenting can be a ...
A good question! To which I have no definite answer how I get through the day, I guess it has to be if Ryan is happy then that is the best tonic! X
I’ve just had the third of what I know will be at least 30 meetings this year. I can’t eat, feel so gripped with anxiety over it all. I’m hating every second of this process and assessments. I just want to disappear, I won’t, I’ll stay and advocate. I don’t have an answer as to a good way of getting through the days during these times, I just try see that my family are all as happy as they can be and I take some solace in doing little things for them all. The system is just awful xx
It varies. Cuddling dogs, meditating, a bath, chocolate, tea and wine all play their part with walking and gardening on sunny days.
Season two of the podcast launches today.
Our first guest needs no introduction if you’re in the world of special needs. James Hunt from Stories About Autism chats with Debs about how he motivates himself, how he gets back up after a bad day, keeps the plates spinning and more
This chat gives a true insight into the reality of being a parent carer.
Search Life AsPland wherever you listen to your podcasts
My fun notebooks are very popular at the moment. A subtle (or not) message to show at meetings.
This one - Here we go again, same sh*t, different day" is one of the most popular ones.
they make a great gift for a friend who is having a rough time, someone who just needs a bit of a lift.
You can find them over on LifeAspland.com - look for the tab saying "Amazon" or just search life Aspland on Amazon
I have a FB group on here as well as my page. It’s fun, friendly and supportive. A real mix of people with lots of different experiences and knowledge.
Think of it as a place to help you get motivated to do those things you keep saying you will do but somehow never get around to.
No judgements, just support and a type of accountability where you can say “right, today I am going to ……” and then let us know if you got it done or not.
Feel free to join (it’s totally free) and invite friends you think may find it useful
This content isn't available at the moment
When this happens, it's usually because the owner only shared it with a small group of people or changed who can see it, or it's been deleted.Sometimes you get an email and you remember that you’re actually quite good at what you do.
This was at the end of an email asking if I could deliver some training
“We really hope you can make it as parents are always so positive about your sessions”
Hope your Friday makes you remember that you’re actually quite good at what you do
Comment on Facebook Sometimes you get an...
I loved listening to you on the Advanced SENco training I undertook many moons ago. You rock x
Do you have tasks that you know you need to do but you keep putting off? As a parent carer I know all about those. Reports to reply to, forms to complete, research to be done. Putting them off doesn’t mean I stop thinking about it but it feels like I have control over it in a small way. However, I have recently found a new way to tackle these tasks. Accidentally but it is working well.
I stood on a dice in my son’s room. A dice that did not have smooth edges. “Ouch” I said (along with a few other four letter words).
I placed the dice on my desk, as a way of reminding myself that standing on sharp objects is probably as painful as some of the emails I have to write and I have survived that.
As the weeks progressed, I kept looking at the dice and decided to make use of it. Based loosely on the Pomodoro Technique, I now roll the dice and whatever it lands on, I multiply by 5 and then make myself do that task for that amount of time. For example, if the dice lands on 2, I do the task for 10 minutes.
This has become a firm favourite, because of course, it’s starting the task that is often the issue. By starting with just 5 or 10 minutes, you don’t feel so overwhelmed and usually crack on.
Feel free to roll again once the time is up if you wish to continue (the chances are you will) and also, if you roll a 6 first time round, feel free to roll again. Your dice, your rules.
#productivity #parentcarerlife #parentcarers #sendparents #specialeducation #specialeducationalneeds #autismmum #autismparenting #specialneedsparenting #pomodorotechnique #pomodoro
Most Popular Pearls of Wisdom
Self care: Me too not Me First, Wednesday, 16th September 2020 Self care isn't about making you the number one priority and ignoring the needs of everyone around you. Self care means "me too". (500)- Lists, Bullet Journal and Autism Wednesday, 20th January 2016 However, this week, we realised how much impact my love of lists has had on my son. (447)
- Incomplete Compassion Friday, 5th June 2020 If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incompleteJack Kornfield Compassion - a strong feeling of sympathy and sadness for the suffering or bad luck of others and a wish to help them"Cambridge English Dictionary Everyone, with the exception of perhaps some psychopaths, has the ability to feel compassion towards others. Studies have shown… (413)
- Failure, then success Monday, 1st June 2020 Fear of Failure Why are we so afraid of failure? Failure means different things to different people; due to our upbringing, beliefs, values and obviously the standards we set for ourselves. Failure for one person may not be a failure for someone else. First of all, you need to really be clear about what failure… (360)
- You’re just lazy Saturday, 18th February 2017 I think I saw myself through her eyes. I was explaining about the difficulties and her response was "Debs, sorry love but I think you're just lazy, there's no excuse" (301)
Most Popular Posts
- Self care: Me too not Me First, Wednesday, 16th September 2020 Self care isn't about making you the number one priority and ignoring the needs of everyone around you. Self care means "me too". (500)
- Lists, Bullet Journal and Autism Wednesday, 20th January 2016 However, this week, we realised how much impact my love of lists has had on my son. (447)
- Incomplete Compassion Friday, 5th June 2020 If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incompleteJack Kornfield Compassion - a strong feeling of sympathy and sadness for the suffering or bad luck of others and a wish to help them"Cambridge English Dictionary Everyone, with the exception of perhaps some psychopaths, has the ability to feel compassion towards others. Studies have shown… (413)
- Failure, then success Monday, 1st June 2020 Fear of Failure Why are we so afraid of failure? Failure means different things to different people; due to our upbringing, beliefs, values and obviously the standards we set for ourselves. Failure for one person may not be a failure for someone else. First of all, you need to really be clear about what failure… (360)
- You’re just lazy Saturday, 18th February 2017 I think I saw myself through her eyes. I was explaining about the difficulties and her response was "Debs, sorry love but I think you're just lazy, there's no excuse" (301)